Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
4 words: hood of his car
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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