If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
