Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
