I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
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If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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