I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
