His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
