She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize