Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
