why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
