so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
