I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
