1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
