Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
