woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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