You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize