I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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