chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
