he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
