she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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