Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
