I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
