You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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