My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The uberlube is also flammable
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
