I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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