I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
