she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
