Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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