This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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