My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
