I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
