Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
