I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
