Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
