I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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