She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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