Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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