I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
