Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
3pm strippers are depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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