i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
