You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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