sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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