even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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