Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
operation harelip BJ is a go
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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