based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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