Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
