Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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