my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
