did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
