I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
