if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
