I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
