so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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