Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
