the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
