So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
