not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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