who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wear drunk well.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
