I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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