So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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