I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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