70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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