addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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