call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
