Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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