Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
