My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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